10 Commandments of a Christian Marriage: Think and Speak about Your Spouse as Though They Can Hear

"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." — Ephesians 4:29

Reflection

Our words have tremendous power, shaping the atmosphere in our homes and influencing the hearts of those we love most. In marriage, the way we speak about our spouse—whether they are present or not—reveals much about our hearts and our commitment to honor one another. Ephesians 4:29 calls us to a higher standard, urging us to let only words that build up and impart grace come from our mouths. This is not just about what we say directly to our spouse, but also about the conversations we have with friends, family, and even within our own minds.

It can be easy to slip into negative patterns—sharing frustrations, highlighting flaws, or joking at our spouse’s expense. Sometimes, these words are spoken in moments of venting or in the context of seeking advice. However, every word carries weight, and what we say about our spouse when they are not around can shape not only how others see them, but also how we see them ourselves. Speaking with honor as if our spouse could hear every word is an act of love, respect, and spiritual maturity. It reflects a heart that values the unity and dignity of marriage and seeks to protect and nurture it.

When we choose to speak life instead of criticism, we invite God’s presence into our relationship. Encouraging words plant seeds of trust and affection, while careless or unkind words can erode intimacy over time. Honoring our spouse with our speech does not mean ignoring challenges or pretending everything is perfect. Rather, it means choosing honesty wrapped in grace, seeking solutions with humility, and refusing to let bitterness take root. In doing so, we create a safe space for vulnerability and growth, and we reflect the love Christ has shown us.

Personal Application

Putting this principle into practice requires intentionality and self-awareness. Start by listening to the words you use when talking about your spouse—both when they are present and when they are not. Are your words marked by kindness, gratitude, and respect? Or do frustration and sarcasm slip in more often than you realize? Make a conscious effort to speak as if your spouse is always listening, choosing words that you would want them to hear. If you find yourself needing to process a concern or hurt, seek out a trusted, godly confidant who will encourage you to respond with grace and wisdom—never to gossip or tear down.

Develop daily habits that reinforce positive speech. Share words of affirmation with your spouse regularly, expressing appreciation for who they are and what they do. When you need to address a difficult issue, frame your words with gentleness and a desire for understanding, not simply to prove a point. Pray for God to guard your tongue and renew your thoughts, so that even your unspoken words reflect His love. Over time, these practices will not only bless your spouse, but also transform your own heart and deepen the intimacy in your marriage.

Thought-Provoking Questions

1. When you talk about your spouse with others, do your words build them up or tear them down? What changes might you need to make?
2. How might your marriage change if you only spoke words you would be comfortable with your spouse overhearing?
3. Are there patterns of negative speech or complaining that you need to confess and surrender to God?
4. What practical steps can you take this week to speak more graciously and honor your spouse, both in public and private?

Prayer

Gracious God, thank You for the gift of marriage and for the unique bond I share with my spouse. Help me to use my words to encourage, uplift, and honor them, whether they are present or not. Guard my heart against negativity, and teach me to speak with grace and truth. May my speech reflect Your love and bring unity and peace to our relationship. Transform my thoughts, so that even in private, I choose kindness over criticism. Use my words as instruments of blessing in my marriage, and let our relationship be a testimony to Your goodness and faithfulness. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

***The Ten Commandments of Christian Marriage Devotions are not intended to serve as definitive commandments on marriage; rather, they should be regarded as constructive guidelines founded upon biblical principles, designed to safeguard and strengthen your marriage and its enduring legacy.***